Earlier, some late-studying Ravenclaws saw figures on the Quidditch pitch, lit themselves right up with their wands they did. Damn stupid time for practicing, but the Ravenclaws were a little too hopeful their team was that keen. Turned out they were Death Eaters - but maybe the Slytherin team's gone over to the dark side.
They've a cannon - yeah, a giant Muggle-looking thing, but magic, wonder how the damn Purebloods liked that. I'm not sure... yes, they've cast the Dark Mark and now they're coming closer. ... They've blasted down the doors! They're in the castle!
The Death Eaters are all in the now... ooh, well, not that one there, he's down; brilliant timing, those snoggers in the cupboard had.
Finally, the Gryffindors have showed up, thank you very much for listening. Next time, when you hear a call for help, come faster. No bunny slippers means you stopped to change! Anyway, boys, glad you did make it. Bravery indeed. STUPIFY YOU IDIOTS! DON'T LET THEM THROUGH! Oh, it's not enough, the Death Munchers are dodging, imagine they've got loads of practice at it.
But that wand there. That one hit home, boys! Got straight through to where no wand should go. Good distraction for me, I'm running off. The Great Hall's a lost cause, imagine the dungeons are too. Up here
in the Charms corridor, they've got a marvelous blockade going. Barricade out of just Potions books; suddenly I'm glad we were set something large this year, lets them be useful for a change.
BEHIND YOU! No, the Death Munchers came up the wrong way. They've got dozens of snakes with them, but they're all on the wrong side of our barricade! Through whatever we've got at them, boys! Fancy stuff from a Hufflepuff, got that biggest snake tied up in a knot and now the whole gang's smashing the snake down on Death Eaters.
It's You-Know-Who with them! Old Voldie-pants himself! RETREAT! Madame Pince would hang us if she saw what we're doing with these books now. Throw whatever we've got - oooh, there are the bunny slippers, flying off the toes of a Hufflepuff there. We're hurling whatever we've got now - Bertie Botts, pumpkin juice, pointy quills, Yorkshire pudding – was someone up for a midnight snack in all this? Must've been that Ravenclaw, she's throwing some great vomit their direction.
AHHH, not good, not even the puke’s keeping them back. Running, again, for our lives and they told me Hogwarts announcer was a non-sport choice. Whoops...!
ATTENTION STUDENTS! As of now, Hogwarts is mine. All mine! Did I introduce myself? I am Lord Voldie- er, Voldemort. I AM the Headmaster of this school and you will do as you are ordered. Those of you prepared to offer tribute and receive your Dark Mark may come
to headmastervolde immediately. These students will find me a kind Overlord, until my fancy turns to killing them. Anyone who is not willing to earn their right to food and Dark Arts: report to the dungeons for experimentation with the Cruciatus Curse.